It's been awhile since I've written anything, I guess I've been discouraged as of late. It's something I'd love to change about myself, so I'm going to. I'm tired of giving myself pointless excuses to justify my lack of taking action. So far I've done a pretty good job of ridding myself of my lackadaisical ways. For example, I applied for a scholarship that I'm pretty sure is impossible for me to get, but why not try? I applied to go to Mexico this summer, just do to something out of the norm. I've decided to take every opportunity I get to spend time with my friends, you never know when it will be the last time. I've began to thank God for every day he gives me, especially the beautiful ones. I've also resolved to start going to church every Sunday again and frequent the gym to work on my physique. Letting go of the past is still something I'm working very hard on, I apologize to those of you who I frequently call and bore with the same issues (Carrie, Ruth, Meg, Eric, Mom..), but I'm taking baby steps.
These are by no means New Years resolutions, just things that need to be done.
About Me
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Monday, December 22, 2008
IF
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
--Rudyard Kipling
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
--Rudyard Kipling
Fabulous
My new obsession, Christian Louboutin heels. Perhaps someday I'll own a pair, or several....
Sunday, December 21, 2008
I was tagged...
4 things I did today (or yesterday rather)
1. Fried fish outside at 9am with one of the most wonderful families I've ever met.
2. Drove for 4 hours and sang my heart out to music from the 70's, 80's & 90's.
3. Saw friends that I haven't seen in a long time, and felt I made amends with them while also realizing why I chose not to see them more often.
4. Cried just for the sake of crying.
4 things on to do list
1. Buy my parents Christmas gifts,with their money.... it's completely counterproductive I know.
2. Decide where in Europe I want to spend my summer, and relish in the fact that I'm fortunate enough to go and experience a different culture.
3. Try my hardest to get as close to a 4.0 as I can, dream big right?
4. Have the most amazing New Years surrounded by the people I love.
4 guilty pleasures
1. Walking around my apt in pajamas and high heels.
2. Reading fantasy books and choosing to believe that in some parallel universe magic is real.
3. Cold Stone Creamery, that place is the devil.
4. Day-Dreaming about the man that I will someday marry.
4 random facts
1. I often times find myself blaring hip-hop and attempting to dance around my room.
2. As much as I hate being this way I'm the perfect future house wife, I love to cook, clean and scrapbook.
3. I've always felt that I'll do something great with my life.
4. When I was a child I used to dream about going to third world countries and taking care of the indigenous people's hamsters....it makes no sense I know, do they even have hamsters? Now that I'm older I of course care more about going over to help the actual people.
1. Fried fish outside at 9am with one of the most wonderful families I've ever met.
2. Drove for 4 hours and sang my heart out to music from the 70's, 80's & 90's.
3. Saw friends that I haven't seen in a long time, and felt I made amends with them while also realizing why I chose not to see them more often.
4. Cried just for the sake of crying.
4 things on to do list
1. Buy my parents Christmas gifts,with their money.... it's completely counterproductive I know.
2. Decide where in Europe I want to spend my summer, and relish in the fact that I'm fortunate enough to go and experience a different culture.
3. Try my hardest to get as close to a 4.0 as I can, dream big right?
4. Have the most amazing New Years surrounded by the people I love.
4 guilty pleasures
1. Walking around my apt in pajamas and high heels.
2. Reading fantasy books and choosing to believe that in some parallel universe magic is real.
3. Cold Stone Creamery, that place is the devil.
4. Day-Dreaming about the man that I will someday marry.
4 random facts
1. I often times find myself blaring hip-hop and attempting to dance around my room.
2. As much as I hate being this way I'm the perfect future house wife, I love to cook, clean and scrapbook.
3. I've always felt that I'll do something great with my life.
4. When I was a child I used to dream about going to third world countries and taking care of the indigenous people's hamsters....it makes no sense I know, do they even have hamsters? Now that I'm older I of course care more about going over to help the actual people.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Friendship
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin
What a few of my friends have taught me:
Scott/Oyler- You have both shown me that true friendship withstands the obstacle of distance, every time I talk to either of you I find myself laughing the entire time.
Carrie- You help me to realize that life is fun, and it’s not meant to be taken seriously all of the time. I mean, who else would dance around with me while holding knifes?
Ruth- Like we already said, pretty much every bad thing that can happen has happened to us, but we’ve been there for each other to get through it. You’ve helped me to open up and realize it’s ok to lean on someone else for strength.
Meg- You came into my life at the perfect time and have been such an inspiration. You challenge me to see things differently and always have the BEST advice, you’ll never know how much I look up to you.
Jonne- You encourage me to be more service oriented. I really respect how you stepped in and helped me with Micheal and Tay when you had absolutely no obligation to do so, but did it out of the goodness in your heart.
John/Lee- I have NEVER met anyone quite like either of you. You are constantly coming up with clever yet unwholesome sayings. You two make me laugh so hard, though I immediately feel bad about laughing about whatever derogatory thing you’ve said!
Jonathan- You taught me about real love, for that I’ll always be grateful.
Brubby Aaron- You keep me grounded and help me to realize when I’m being dumb, which seems to be just about all of the time according to you! You’re my favorite brother and I really wish I could be more like you.
Eric- You’re such an incredible guy who pushes me to reach my full potential. You’re a shining example of how hard work pays off in the end. You’re going to be so successful in life, just promise never to lose your great sense of humor. I’m excited to beat you in mgmt next semester!
- Anais Nin
What a few of my friends have taught me:
Scott/Oyler- You have both shown me that true friendship withstands the obstacle of distance, every time I talk to either of you I find myself laughing the entire time.
Carrie- You help me to realize that life is fun, and it’s not meant to be taken seriously all of the time. I mean, who else would dance around with me while holding knifes?
Ruth- Like we already said, pretty much every bad thing that can happen has happened to us, but we’ve been there for each other to get through it. You’ve helped me to open up and realize it’s ok to lean on someone else for strength.
Meg- You came into my life at the perfect time and have been such an inspiration. You challenge me to see things differently and always have the BEST advice, you’ll never know how much I look up to you.
Jonne- You encourage me to be more service oriented. I really respect how you stepped in and helped me with Micheal and Tay when you had absolutely no obligation to do so, but did it out of the goodness in your heart.
John/Lee- I have NEVER met anyone quite like either of you. You are constantly coming up with clever yet unwholesome sayings. You two make me laugh so hard, though I immediately feel bad about laughing about whatever derogatory thing you’ve said!
Jonathan- You taught me about real love, for that I’ll always be grateful.
Brubby Aaron- You keep me grounded and help me to realize when I’m being dumb, which seems to be just about all of the time according to you! You’re my favorite brother and I really wish I could be more like you.
Eric- You’re such an incredible guy who pushes me to reach my full potential. You’re a shining example of how hard work pays off in the end. You’re going to be so successful in life, just promise never to lose your great sense of humor. I’m excited to beat you in mgmt next semester!
Life
At 20 years of age I have my whole life in front of me, yet I’ve decided to take a step back and analyze my decisions thus far and begin to restructure my life.
When I was a child I, like many, saw the world through rose colored shades. I knew exactly what I wanted out of this short existence on Earth, I had this fantasy lifestyle mapped out for myself. I knew the type of career I was going to hold, the perfect guy I was going to fall in love with and the type of upstanding and exemplary citizen I was going to be. Well, I think it comes as a surprise to no one that life doesn’t care what you want out of it, it’s going to throw situations at you regardless of what you planned for. I know I’m relatively young, but I’ve seen and experienced my fair share of hard situations.
I believe the way you choose to respond to these situations is what shapes you as a human being, and that you can’t map out your life because you have NO idea what’s around the corner in this maze called life. I have an amazing life, I really do. It’s filled with wonderful people and incredible experiences that I wouldn’t trade for the world, yet lately I’ve been feeling empty and frustrated wondering why I’m not the person I so desperately want to be, the person that, as a child, I knew I was going to grow up to be.
I’ve had a few rough patches over the past few months, getting over a broken heart, dealing with school and everyday drama and all the while trying to figure out who I really am. It was at that point that it dawned on me, I am who I am, and only I have the power to change my life. I can’t keep trying to be the person I wanted to be as a child because I already am that person, I’ve just allowed these situations that have occurred in my life to affect me in such a way that I feel I’m drowning in my past, rendering me with this feeling of utter emptiness. But how to fix it?
I believe that everything in life happens for a reason, and believe it even more after an experience I had the other night. This guy that I go to school with and haven’t spoken with in a long while got a hold of me. We went through the typical ‘How have things been, how is school going’ etc. It was at that point that he asked me how I was doing, and I was completely honest with him. I let it all out, telling him what was bothering me and how I feel like I’m suffocating from all these issues. He listened to me before offering his thoughts. He’s quite an intriguing individual who lives every day through a philosophical perspective, reasoning things out before reacting. He also practices several Buddhism ideals about being at peace with yourself and everything around you. He reminded me that I’m in control of my conscious mind and can therefore control how I view past and present situations and can choose to allow things to bother me or get past them. I then pledged to myself that everyday I would take on this vantage point and view things in a different light. Every morning I’m going to wake up and think of all the wonderful things I have going for me and my future instead of looking behind me at the monster that is my past. Let me tell you, I feel as if a weight has been lifted. Instead of being bitter or disappointed about mistakes/situations that have happened to me, I’m letting go, I’m freeing myself from the chains of the past. I’m choosing to take the experiences that have happened to me and utilize them to my advantage; I’m going to view them as events that have shaped me, not as events that define me. Life is MUCH to short to live it in despair and disappointment with oneself, so I’m going to enjoy each day, free.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I wish...
...people looked up at the sky more often, instead of worrying so much about where they're going
...Americans would realize what an amazing life we lead here compared to third world countries where people literally have nothing.
...my female counterparts took education more seriously, enabling them to take care of themselves.
...my friends realized how much there is to life, and would never settle for anything but the best!
...everyone could dream big, and know that nothing is impossible.
...there were less hate in the world, it takes too much effort to hate.
...bookstores and libraries were the places young people could be found spending time on weekends, instead of malls and bars.
...God played a more prevalent part in society.
...people would realize what they're capable of and had more confidence in their abilities.
...the phrase 'It only takes one person to change the world' inspired more people to take action.
I wish for a lot of things, and I hope you do too.
...Americans would realize what an amazing life we lead here compared to third world countries where people literally have nothing.
...my female counterparts took education more seriously, enabling them to take care of themselves.
...my friends realized how much there is to life, and would never settle for anything but the best!
...everyone could dream big, and know that nothing is impossible.
...there were less hate in the world, it takes too much effort to hate.
...bookstores and libraries were the places young people could be found spending time on weekends, instead of malls and bars.
...God played a more prevalent part in society.
...people would realize what they're capable of and had more confidence in their abilities.
...the phrase 'It only takes one person to change the world' inspired more people to take action.
I wish for a lot of things, and I hope you do too.
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